Have you ever had your perception of someone changed completely after getting to know them better? I mean really changed. Like one of those situations where news reporters are talking to the ax-murderer’s neighbors, and the neighbors are saying things like, “We had no idea our kindly old librarian next door was stuffing paperboys into his freezer for years. We just thought the paperboys were changing routes.”
I have that feeling clinging to me right now. Don’t get me wrong: I’m no paperboy-freezer. We can’t even get a pizza delivery person to drive “all the way” to our house, which isn’t all that far from civilization, so I doubt a paperboy would bother, either. Not that lack of paperboy is the only thing stopping me from freezing anyone.
My anxiety is due to the imminent exposure of my private life. Not without my permission, of course. And I know it will help people. But sheesh, I’m not sure if I’m ready for all of it to be shared. People who have known me for a long time realize how difficult this whole “sharing” thing will be, and people who have known me only a brief time (less than ten years) might be surprised to know I’ve not had a carefree life.
I can share things in print, because I don’t have to watch someone’s face while they’re reading my blog. Whether you like it or not, I don’t have to know; you’re anonymous, I’m anonymous. Face to face, I’m good with the one-on-one thing, because I find it easy to talk to people, but having a large group (my church) suddenly privy to my heart is a little more public than I’m comfortable with. And I know it’s a whole lot more public than my husband is comfortable with.
And yet, he willingly shared himself this summer in a two-hour video interview which has now been edited into less than five minutes of Really Important Things that will hopefully encourage others to trust God—really trust Him—to know how best to answer the prayers of our hearts.
Even when those prayers don’t get answered in the way we expect.
That’s the true meaning of “for better or for worse”: it wasn’t easy or pleasant for him to share this much of his inner self, but he did. For me. For others. And maybe for his own heart’s healing. I don’t know if it’s possible to love him more.